So a few days ago I attended a seminar for Comm students at my school and heard Debra Jasper speak. It was a really awesome talk, focused on the future of journalism and communications.Most of the time soon-to-be journalism grads get these depressing talks on how there are few jobs available, unrealistic expectations to be a bridge between the new and the old and "You missed true journalism" tinted talks. But Jasper had a refreshing point of view. Don't panic, don't get stressed and embrace the change of new media. She made me feel like I could tackle a constantly changing world of media, news and networking. So I tried.It would super cool if this blog suddenly suddenly had a million followers and publishers were chasing me down for a book deal. But it's my second post. And honestly, I'm not even willing to let my friends this blog just yet. But in my search to make this blog more relevant and searchable I linked it with a few other sites.I'm still figuring out all the intricacies of WordPress, but I'm on my way. It is an active effort to not become overwhelmed with all of these sites. You would think a 20-year-old American girl would be able to, with ease to juggle all of these sites. The truth is, I'm not glued to my phone. And when I am am online ( which I am, A LOT) I would rather be looking at things than sharing them. But I wanted to talk about why I am so confused all of the time.1. Pinterest I love this site. A lot. It has everything you would ever want. The ability to archive, organize, share and comment on images. Along with the ability to have profiles and connect to Facebook and Twitter. I could say a lot about why I think this site is so popular and loved (or you could look here), but I think trying it out for yourself is the best way to understand.2. Tumblr So I like looking at Tumblr. But I just signed up for one today. I've never reblogged something or even have a dash set up. But I often type something like this into google "fuckyeah cool stuff and puppies Tumblr" and wait for the results. Which are often awesome. But why should I reblog on Tumblr when I can simply put it on my Pinterest and then link it wherever. If I like an image, I want all my images in one place. 3. Google+ I don't know why I did that. I was able to add 3 friends to the same circle. I HAVE MORE THAN 3 FRIENDS!Google+ makes me feel lonely and like I need cooler friends. 4. Posterous I don't really get this. Like I kind of do but if someone wants to explain to me how to utilize this to the max that would be great. I also made this today. I get really jealous of people who are kick-ass at Photoshop and can make really cool avatars. I can do some things but totally not as cool as some of the skills people have.I used this program called Splashup to make this avatar. It has many of the editing features of Photoshop, but obviously not as in-depth. But for someone who just wanted to play with spray paint, pixels and basic layers it was perfect.And it is free. And the broke rejoiced for the Internet hath saved them from depravity due to lack of money. Amen. I also did some stuff that I'm sure I'll have to tweak later. I do wish I could hook up my blog with my Spotify or 8tracks. Remember the old school mood smileys that we used to have on livejournal or myspace?I wanted to start posting the 8tracks playlists to serve in the same function but I guess I can always just post the link at the end of the post. So today I learned about the internets and realized that I am going to get overwhelmed. It's almost scary to make a call on a site and say "phooey!" because you think it's lame.What if my boss loves this site? What if one day I will need to put a story on that site? What if EVERYONE ELSE loves this site!?Well, shit. I hate LinkedIn. I think it is stupid. Sometimes, I hate Twitter even though I know I have to get over that one. I don't like Blogger and I obviously am kicking google+ to the curb. So, here's what I'm listening to: http://8tracks.com/chuckhaze/dreamy
So lately, I realized I that I have become completely disillusioned with everything around me. This isn't to say I'm depressed or anxious.
I just don't really care anymore about trying to make the world a better place.
Which is sad. Because I was not always this way.
In the past three years of my life I have changed a lot and have had a lot of experiences that have forced me to call into question exactly who I am.
Let's compare, shall we?
I used to be vegetarian and an animal rights activist. I once stickered my entire bedroom door with "Fish are Friends" PETA stickers.
Now I eat meat. A lot. All kinds. Deer, lamb and frog were a few of the newer ones.
I used to refuse to purchase things that supported the corporate capitalist system. Meaning, did kids make it? Were the workers treated fairly? Was it bad for the environment? If so, no way in hell I wore it, used it or bought it.
I shopped at thrift stores A LOT. Which led me to look like this.
I am not saying looking like this was bad. But seriously, I'm sure my handmade pair of leather sandal are just off camera.
I now have completely disregarded that attitude. It's been a long time since I shopped at thrift store for something other than a Halloween costume. I went on a $200 shopping spree two years ago after a bad break-up. I shop at Wal-Mart for camis and bras.
I felt confident when I lived like this. But I was 16. What 16-year-old armed with a gaggle of equally crunchy friends and a shirt made by fair-trade cooperative in Indonesia isn't brazen enough to judge your lifestyle?
Now I look like this. I bought those sunglasses at the mall. The jacket and scarf are my sister's, but I know she bought those at the mall too. Makeup I'm sure that was all tested on animals. Even my shirt underneath would be judged by my 16-year-old self.
So what the hell happened? Why did I stop caring? And should I change back? How do I do that?
Where I live has changed. I go to school in Kentucky now, admittingly, a pretty tough place to decide I miss my activist ways.
It is easier not to give a damn. It is more convenient and less stressful. I don't feel guilty because I don't care.
But how can I walk through life not being the change I wish to see in the world? I call bullshit on myself and I am going to find a way to become better not just in what I choose to consume, but how I view the world, how I make change within it and how I express this to the people around me.
I don't know how I am going to figure this out yet. I am perfectly fractured humans being. I am lazy, easily distracted and most frustrating of all - super broke.
I eat Ramen every. single. day. I once looked up how to make disposable razors last longer.
On this rambling road away from my path of self-righteous save-the-world self-herosim I have also developed additional problems that I'm going to need to overcome.
I drive now The issues involving the war for oil, pollution and material extravagance didn't matter when I couldn't drive. I have to drive. If you live where I live and you work where I work, you need a car.
I smoke cigarettes Please don't lecture me on the health negatives here. I know. It's bad for me. No shit. But tobacco is also horrible for not only the people around me but the global community as well. Let's be honest. You don't want to inhale my second-hand?
I don't give a crap.
But I do feel bad about all the issues that come with transporting tobacco, deforestation and worker's issues. But you, Mr. Your second-hand is blowing my face, should go sit somewhere else.
Sorry, not sure how I'm going to get over that one.
The biggest one is simply: I see their point I walked through life looking through a kaleidoscope. Everything I looked at I could only see head on and I saw lots of ways to view it, but they were crazy and insane. Now I live here. I live in a red state. My boyfriend shoots guns, drives a Camaro and grills regularly. My best friend only shops at Wal-Mart. And I've watched my friends from back home turn into people I don't understand. They join poetry clubs even though they hate poetry. They go to Africa when there are illiterate and hungry people literally an hour from where I live. They sell art and "green efficiency services" when blue-collar workers can't feed their families.
So here's to figuring out how to figure out who I am and how I should live my life.